Friday, 16 April 2010

Lazy Girl's Guide to Deco

She may very well pass for forty-three in the dusk, with a light behind her

You will need:
  • Cheap hand-held mirror
  • Snacks
  • Large flat backed jewels
  • Short attention span
  • Craft glue
  • Pyjamas
Step one: Arrange self comfortably on bed with most of the above
Step two: Realise you've forgotten something vital
Step three: Haul ass out of bed and get it
Step four: Apply glue to individual jewel and, starting in the middle, apply in a mildly haphazard manner.
Step five: Attempt to not use the same jewel twice in the same area

Step six: Perfect art of eating whilst crafting, taking care not to glue down snacks, or snack on glue
Step seven: Get bored half way through and take a nap
Step eight: Wake up several hours later, confused
Step nine: Realise that it's taking too long, and decide to bodge it

Step ten: Apply glue willy-nilly to back of mirror and stick on whichever jewel comes to hand
Step eleven: Get frustrated that only certain shapes are left, and that they're all the same colour
Step twelve: Rush finish job

Step thirteen: Camera whore excessively with finished product
Step fourteen: Vow never to attempt any sort of deco again
Step fifteen: Hide epic failure behind a "witty" blog post
Step sixteen: Go to Violet LeBeaux's blog
Step seventeen: Look jealously at her deco skills
Step eighteen: Forget step fourteen
Step nineteen: Order cabochons and tiny diamont├ęs from the internet
Step twenty: Embark on next deco adventure

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept...